Stop Wasting Your Time Blaming Others for Your Life: 15 Life Lessons to help you take back control of your Life, Relationships and Career by Tamara Hartley

Author:Tamara Hartley [Hartley, Tamara]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Hartley Unlimited
Published: 2015-09-26T18:30:00+00:00

Lesson #8

You Alone Are Responsible For Your

Happiness, And You Can Only Change You!

It’s often said that getting married is the easy part, but staying married is where the real work happens. I have a greater understanding of this now. Not only did I greatly underestimate the work involved in being married, but I had unrealistic expectations about love and marriage. I believed that if I loved my husband, that he would make me happy. I thought that by being married we would automatically have a strong bond and close relationship and that our family would be stable. I thought that by being married we would always be on the same page. And when two people are on the same page, they both get to read the book, right? Ha! I learned very quickly that not only were we on different pages; we were reading two very different books!

Aside from my erroneous assumptions about marriage, the biggest mistake I made in my first marriage was putting someone else in charge of my happiness. For the longest time, I blamed my ex-husband for not making me happy. I was also not completely honest about my real feelings, what I wanted, and what I needed from the relationship. Because I wasn’t upfront about my needs, I made a lot of sacrifices that left me feeling unappreciated, unfulfilled, and disappointed.

Here’s the NEWS FLASH...no other person (including your spouse), place or thing can “make” you happy. Happiness is a conscious choice. We often look outside ourselves for happiness, but happiness is a decision and a way of life. Regardless of what is going on around you, you can choose to be happy and you can also choose to make changes.

The second mistake I made was trying to convince someone else that they needed to change. You cannot make someone do something they do not want to do. The only person you can change is yourself. Authentic change can only take place when a person is aware of their faults, shortcomings, and limitations and are willing to take full responsibility for themselves and make changes. They have to want to change. In any relationship, if both parties involved are not willing to work on their individual issues, and then work together to fix and strengthen the relationship, that relationship will not work. It took me eleven years to realize this.

If you are in a relationship where you feel someone else needs to change, instead of being judgmental and attempting to fix the other person, begin making positive changes in your own life. Your change can positively influence those around you. When people see that you are making changes and improvements, they are often inspired (or convicted) to do the same. If your change does not better the relationship, it may be a sign that you need to change your relationship and your environment.

Being “Married, Separated, Reunited, and Divorced,” taught me to take responsibility for my role in my relationships. These phases in my life also taught me to take responsibility for myself and to not play the victim.

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